YARD WORK AS VIEWED FROM HEAVEN

Overheard in a conversation between God and St. Francis:

God: Francis, you know all about gardens and nature; what in the world
is going on down there in the U.S.? What happened to the dandelions,
violets,thistles and the stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect
no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil,
withstand drought, and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the
long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honeybees, and flocks of
songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of color by now. All I see
are patches of green.

St. Francis: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. They are called
the Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went
to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass.

God: Grass? But it is so boring, it's not colorful. It doesn't attract
butterflies, bees or birds, only grubs and sod worms. It's
temperamental with temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want
grass growing?

St. Francis: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it has grown a little,
they cut it....sometimes two times a week.

God: They cut it? Do they bale it like hay?

St Francis: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags.

God: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it?

St. Francis: No sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away.

GOD: Now let me get this straight. . . they fertilize it to make it
grow and when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away?

St. Francis: Yes, sir.

God: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut
back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth
and saves them a lot of work.

St. Francis: You aren't going to believe this Lord, but when the grass
stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water
it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it.

God: What nonsense! At least they kept some of the trees. That was a
sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow
leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the
autumn they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep the
moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they
rot, the leaves become compost to enhance the soil. It's a natural
circle of life.

St. Francis: You'd better sit down, Lord. As soon as the leaves fall,
the Suburbanites rake them into great piles and pay to have them
hauled away.

God: No way! What do they do to protect the shrubs and tree roots in
the winter to keep the soil moist and loose?

St Francis: After throwing the leaves away, they go out and buy
something called mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in
place of the leaves.

God: And where do they get this mulch?

St.. Francis: They cut down the trees and grind them up to make mulch.

God: Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. Saint
Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled
for us tonight?

St. Catherine: "Dumb and Dumber," Lord. It's a really stupid movie about. . .

God: Never mind--I think I just heard the whole story from Saint Francis!